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Message: [QUOTE="CL82, post: 3711402, member: 44"] I've told this story before here but, one year in December we had been hearing a scratching sound on and off for a few days and finally tracked it down to the chimney. I guessed that squirrels had been getting in and out of the chimney looking for a place to nest. My wife had a holiday party and I was home with the kids. I had put them to bed when I decided to build a fire thinking that the squirrels would be naturally afraid of it. I rolled a newspaper tight thinking I would open the flue a crack and get some smoke going up there. I did and didn't hear anything. I figured that they were out so I thought that I would build a roaring fire which would dissuade them from coming back. I opened the flue a bit more and started the fire and... still nothing. Confident that they were gone for whatever reason, I opened the flue fully and got a big fire going. It was going pretty well when all of sudden a smoking squirrel hops out looks around the room in a panic and scampers right up my Christmas tree. I thought to myself, aw f----, the whole house is going to go up and I was prepared to grab the tree and throw it outside, whether that would have helped is debatable, but as it turned out the squirrel self-extinguished before he got to the tree. I closed off the interior doors to the family room and grabbed a bucket and ladle and prepared to do battle when... my wife called. That call went something like this: [I]Hi honey.[/I] Hey how's the party? [I]It was good, we're wrapping things up now. I was talking with Helen and ....[/I] Yeah, can we talk later? I've got a flaming squirrel in the Christmas tree and I sort of need to deal with that. [I]What???! [/I] Kids are fine, I'm fine, the house is fine, but I gotta go. Talk to you later. I open the door to the garage and start pounding the bucket and heading to the tree. The squirrel takes off runs around the room spots the garage door and and runs in there. I slam the door the closed and was feeling pretty good until I realized that wife was undoubtedly heading home and would open the door only to be greeted by Satan's squirrel. Realizing I had to deal with that, I open the door and put on the light. The squirrel sees the light and starts running toward me. I slam the door. I realize that I had to open the garage door to let him out but the opener switch is located right outside the door I just had identified to the squirrel as a way out. I took a deep breath opened the door and see the squirrel running for me, I slap the switch and slam the door closed. The next day we spotted the squirrel in the yard with a big black singe mark but otherwise none the worse for the adventure. We nicknamed him Bernie. [/QUOTE]

Verification: First name of men's bb coach