Let's be honest; the paranoia on this hallowed site is mundane, commonplace, PC like. It is less than I expected. Currently we are focusing on the usual; the NCAA is a bankrupt organization; they aren't going to punish UNC appropriately. Where is the call for the death penalty? The vengeful five conferences are out to destroy UConn athletics. They are led by Cuse and BCU fanatics. Calipari is up to no good, as usual. The only realatively new area is the obsession with Maryland and Under Armor.
Most of this is reheated and more cringe worthy than creating paralyzing fear. Frankly, Fishy, I don't give a damn; this is on your head. Where is the woodchipper; where is Tom is dead? You need some new material.
I don't expect you to produce all the interesting and novel paranoia, but where is the leadership?
We need to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. So next season we will win our fifth championship. There is even uniformed speculation that finally UConn will receive the coveted invite to a power five conference. The eyes of the sporting world are focused on the NBA draft. Inside Coach Ollie is seated with several of his players and their families. A small child bumps into Amida Brimah; the tub of candy he is carrying erupts. Spewing
candy fills the air; Brimah pirouettes and blocks the candy back into the tub. Unfortunately he has his mouth open and one piece of candy pops into his mouth. UConn fans recoil in horror when the ESPN commentator solemnly intones: "You just saw that, UConn player Amida Brimah stealing candy from a child. What values does this program instill in its players. Kevin Ollie has some explaining to do; this would never happen under
Calipari or Boeheim."
The color commentator pokes him in the ribs. Even more disasters loom ahead. A orange bulldog, foaming at the mouth, attacks the boy. Daniel Hamilton delivers a no look kick to the dog. The boy is saved, but the dog is propelled directly towards KO. Unfortunately, he is busy trying to mollify a security person. The bulldog has a clear path to his ankle. The orange menace bites and hold on. Meanwhile with Ollie occupied trying to remove the orange canine maniac, Brimah and Hamilton are in the process of being arrested and
escorted from the building.
By now it is clear even to ESPN that the dog is rabid. More security floods the area; guns are drawn and shots are fired. The orange menace is destroyed, but unfortunately some of the shots went astray. KFree
took one to the head, a kill shot. JC luckily only had a flesh wound. He continued doing his interview with an NBA special correspondent while chaos reigned.
One problem was that the crowd disrupted emergency medical personal entering and exiting. The NCAA
investigator conveniently located next to the UConn contingent stood over Coach Ollie shielding him from
the view of the emergency personal. Happenstance or design, you be the judge. While it is true that rabies is treatable; it took so long for the personnel to reach KO; that the prognosis was not good. Many believe that he will remain in a permanent vegetative state. The fact that he was loaded into an ambulance
with flat tires probably made little or no difference. The UK fans carrying UConn cheats signs were captured on video attacking the emergency personnel ' but the tire slashing wasn't caught.
UConn fans had been apprehensive about the 16-17 season with the exception of Jaylen Adams, all the key
players were leaving. Not even diehard fans could ever have contemplated the magnitude of this disaster.
Apparently Brimah had accepted free candy from several students; this constituted improper benefits.
UConn forfeited the championship, and further NCAA penalties were on the horizon. ESPN is preparing
a 30 On 30 program tentatively titled "UConn Outlaws-Chickens Came Home to Roost." Ironically the chickens at the DEM farm caught some kind of cancer and are dying at a great rate.
At this point a discerning reader might say, Zymurg, I want more, so I'll leave you with one headline that most of you
probably missed-Springfield Junior High Teacher Killed. The story went on to detail how an unexpected
plethora of solar flares were responsible for unusual fires all across the Northeast. Several individuals burst into flame, but the only fatalities were UConn fans.
Could this be the end of the Boneyard?
