No, you don't have to apologize...it didn't rub me the wrong way. I was teasing a bit there - a deeper, more thoughtful person might have been offended, but fortunately, I'm immune.
I appreciated your thoughts and should have sanded off the sharper edges of my own. I think I've reached the edge of patience and sanity with these sorts of tragedies, I really do.
I'm going to be presumptuous and without really knowing you I could be way off the mark. But even in this most G-d awful time for many of us, including yourself, I believe you have the capacity to forgive me if I'm wrong. If what I have to say doesn't apply to you it certainly could hit the mark for someone else. And if there is any truth to my oversimplified point of view I think you can take these events, and my advice, and become even greater then you already are.
You are one of the posters I most respect. But I always felt you use your humor to deflect feeling about things. In many cases things need to be deflected and there is no one better than you in accomplishing this. Like everything we do, there is a potential upside and a potential downside to our actions. If you are choosing to deflect things to get people to come to their senses because doing so helps them, that is great. If you are using your wit to get people to stop so you don't have to "listen" to things that annoy you, that isn't as healthy for either you or the other person.
You certainly think about things. You're mind is incredible. I would love to have at my disposal a fraction of your gift.
But your op is the first time I've seen you state something passionately that was truly heartfelt. Many of us stop feeling because it hurts too much. To avoid feeling we go into our heads and develop our minds. Or we retreat by doing multiple activities which becomes our excuse to avoid thinking and feeling. Still others of us turn to things that take us away from reality such as drugs or alcohol.
This event hit home for you and others, who have turned away from their emotions and buried them or deflect them. This is a giant step for people. When it comes to emotions, there are very few people who can suppress them all. And there are even fewer of us who have all emotions readily available. Children are the exception to this. That is one of the things that attracts us to them. It reminds us of a time when we were care free and not altered.
The emotions most of us have trouble suppressing are fear and anger. Retaining these two emotions and suppressing other emotions, imo, can have negative consequences. We are no longer whole and special like children.
I'm not advocating we eliminate anger or fear. Just the opposite. Anger is a useful emotion when it is channeled. It can be used to get us out of our malaise. Or it can propel others to take action, which is what you have done. Most people are mistaken when they presume that opening up our hearts makes us vulnerable. That isn't the case. Suppressing emotions ultimately is far worse, not only for individuals, but for societies as a whole. The shooter lacked the capacity to let out his anger. He snapped.
Nor am I advocating that we don't learn to be discerning about when we use our emotions. This is a world that is harsh and requires us to be selective at various times. What I am advocating is we learn to be in control of our emotions which is different than suppressing them.
Suppressing our emotions ultimately causes us to make impassioned decisions when dealing with people. Sometimes this is necessary. But in many cases, if we use our intellect without things like compassion or tenderness or love, and we let anger bubble through, we end up becoming argumentative or defensive, and then, when our ideas are attacked, we "feel" as if someone physically hit us in the gut. So the discussion ends up going away from the issue at hand and becomes a battleground to ensure our own personal needs are met.
As I said, feeling things can cause pain and most of us spend a lifetime figuring out ways to avoid our feelings so that we can no longer be hurt. The best thing you, or any of us who are so moved by these events, can do, is to take our anger and turn it into a positive thing by opening those emotions we have buried. As soon as we are able to, find the person who is most important in our lives and show that person unrestrained love. It will heal our hearts far more than the intellectual debate we undertake in these situations. That does not preclude discussion. That has to take place. It just means we start the healing process within ourselves that will enhance our abilities when we present our points of view during these discussions.
