Welcome! A little BYU preview! | The Boneyard

Welcome! A little BYU preview!

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Hello Huskie fans! Loyal Cougar Blue fan here wanting to educate you a little about our team. I wanted to welcome you guys to Provo with open arms this fall (I know the schedule says the game is in Connecticut, but that can't be right because we are a P5 team and you guys are a G5 team. I'm sure Holmoe is on the phone with our great partner, ESPN getting that straightened out right away).

Here is some awesome info about our team to help your viewing pleasure in two weeks.

First, I wanted to talk about Robert Anae. He is back as our OC. He was originally our OC during our glory years from 2005-2010. While other schools like TCU, Boise St and Utah were going to BCS bowls, we were playing 3 decent teams a year and losing 2 of them. That didn't sit well with us, so we blamed it on Robert Anae.

They good news is, we sent him to Arizona to learn a new offensive system under Rich Rod and we are happy to announce that he is back and better than ever! He calls his new unique offense the "Go Fast, Go Hard" offense. We were a little offended at first, because frankly, that sounds like a Ute frat party (or we like to call them Yewts, because it sounds derogatory and we like to pretend they are a bunch of "a" word-holes), but we have bought into the hype; hook, line and sinker. I even think Oregon has started to run our offense. We are excited for Anae's second round in his calling.

I guess I should get the good news/bad news out of the way here. The good news is, we are so proud of the diversity found on this team. Our coaches said they wanted to recruit big time players and really expand BYU's worldwide reach and fanbase (I know, hard to expand when you are already so big, right?) and boy, have they done so. We are proud to announce that we now have, by my count, 8, yes EIGHT, African Americans on our football team. We are so excited for all the speed they will be bringing.

That leads us to the bad news. Unfortunately, due and alcohol related/car issue for one player and a scandalous earring wearing issue 6 of those players will be suspended for the game.

But, that leads us back to good news: they should be on the sideline during the game so you can ask them about their amazing experiences they've had at BYU. If while talking to them you have tingling feelings, find the boys with name tags, they can help you find out what that means. Don't be shy, talk to these players! I didn't post pictures, because I'm sure you'll be able to spot them.

If you look closely, you'll be able to spot some former cougars that are currently in the NFL cheering our boys on! Some names to look for in the stands:

Star Lotulelei - he is a cougar at heart. He wanted to play for BYU, but his grades weren't good enough. But we love him anyways!
Haloti Ngata - another cougar great. He was going to go to BYU, but met with our prophet and was given inspiration to take the good news to Oregon.
Jake Heaps - this was our biggest recruit. He was our freshman Heisman hopeful. He left when Anae left and has helped Kansas's football team go to the next level.
Jake Murphy - another cougar great that we couldn't find a schollie for. His dad was Dale Murphy. We love these legacy players.

Look out for those celebs on the sidelines of LES. A fun game we do during timeouts is tell our fans how we know each one because our brother's Bishop once got an autograph from the players.

Now, no "get to know our team" is complete without some info on a few current players.

I'll start with our starting center. This kid is a true freshman and has come into camp full steam ahead. While he may only be six feet tall and weigh 250 lbs (we don't say pounds here in Provo, we say lb's. Not "libs" like crazy old Obama, be we say each letter. L. B. Then make it plural. Try it out. You'll sound cool and like you work out all the time!) but Bronco says he is the strongest kid on the team. That right there tells you a lot about our team and how special this kid is.

Another player to watch out for is a new transfer named Harvey Langi. He played his freshman year as a RB for those stinky Yewts. He then decided to try to get the stink off him by going on a mission. After his mission, he thought about returning to Utah but when he found out he would be their 5th string running back he transfer to BYU. Thank heavens! Heavenly Father must be a BYU fan because Langi has come in and shown what an amazing football player he is. In fact, he is looking so good, he might be our starting MLB! From 5th string RB to starting MLB. What a redemption story. His story tells you so much about our program, the depth we have and the talent level of the rest of our football players.

The last player I want to spotlight is our Heisman Hopeful, Taysom Hill. Let me begin to show you how great he is by blowing your mind with a couple of stats for you. Last year, against P5 teams:

He completed a whopping 48% of his pass attempts. That's almost 50%! Get ready to watch a QB blow your mind with passing ability. We feel he should definitely get over 50% this year so watch out. Our football guru, Greg Wrubell, said after seeing him in fall call, he definitely isn't any worse than he was last year. Watch out!

He threw 10 TD's and 10 INT's last year against P5 teams. The key to life is consistency, right? I think so!

His QB rating was a 65 and his ESPN QBR was a 68. Well above that 50 mark. Goal accomplished! And if Wrubell is correct and Hill definitely isn't worse than last year...well we are excited to have Hill continue our recent QB success and follow in the footsteps of Jake Heaps and Riley Nelson. It's the dawn of a new age at BYU!!!

Again, sorry for the mixup about the location of the game. I'm sure Holmoe is getting it figured out with ESPN (ESPN is to BYU like NBC is to ND). They should have an announcement any day and we will welcome all G5 teams to our house with open arms. Even though we have this lofty status we remember where we came from and will treat all G5 teams like you belong with us.

Good luck in two weeks!
 

pj

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I don't know if you're trying to get us mad with the G5 digs or over-confident by belittling your football talent. Either way, we'll be ready and will give you a contest! Excited about the game, will be a great test for the new Huskies coaches.
 
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Here you have AggieAndie's less intelligent cousin. Now you UConn fans know exactly what a "Ute" is, and it isn't pretty. Isn't amazing that we have these numbnuts that chase BYU all around the interwebs?
 

Husky25

Dink & Dunk beat the Greatest Show on Turf.
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BYU was told by the ACC and SEC to their face, that they would not be considered an equal by the 5CSMA.

 
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Don't pay him any attention, Huskies. He's just a University of Utah fan trying to get his digs in at BYU. You would think a fan of a big, bad P5 program would have better things to do than obsess over an irrelevant G5 team like BYU, but maybe that's a good illustration of the relative position of the two schools in the overall college football landscape, conference affiliation hanger-on status notwithstanding.
 
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He

He said Huskie fans. Not Huskies fans.

Is Husky fans not correct?

Some of us are husky fans.

Some of us aren't.

We're all Huskies fans.

I didn't major in English, so I could be wrong, but he didn't need to make Huskies singular.
 
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Don't pay him any attention, Huskies. He's just a University of Utah fan trying to get his digs in at BYU. You would think a fan of a big, bad P5 program would have better things to do than obsess over an irrelevant G5 team like BYU, but maybe that's a good illustration of the relative position of the two schools in the overall college football landscape, conference affiliation hanger-on status notwithstanding.

So let me get this straight... Successful program being belittled by a "superior" (and less successful) P5 fanbase?

Going back to my SAT days this must mean:

Utah is to BYU football as Syracuse is to UConn basketball?
 
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I don't know if you're trying to get us mad with the G5 digs or over-confident by belittling your football talent. Either way, we'll be ready and will give you a contest! Excited about the game, will be a great test for the new Huskies coaches.

You actually thought that was written by a BYU fan?
 
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This guy is the anti-RutgerAl. They could mix him with RutgersAl and power the Enterprise.
 
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The good news is, we are so proud of the diversity found on this team. Our coaches said they wanted to recruit big time players and really expand BYU's worldwide reach and fanbase (I know, hard to expand when you are already so big, right?) and boy, have they done so. We are proud to announce that we now have, by my count, 8, yes EIGHT, African Americans on our football team. We are so excited for all the speed they will be bringing.

Didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
 
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I'm back! Yes, I am a BYU. Yes, I am poking fun at other BYU fans. If you haven't been able to tell, or if you have been over to cougarboard, you will discover that BYU take themselves very, very, very seriously. I'm not sure why. I don't know if it because they have been good, but not respected nationally, or if it is because Utah and TCU went to a BCS conference and they didn't, especially when Utah went to the PAC-12 and BYU has been trying to get into the PAC-12 since the 80's...I'm not sure why, but we don't kid around enough and poke fun at our quirks very often. Here is a little more serious breakdown of the BYU team that you guys will face this fall. Be warned, it isn't as blue goggled as most.

QB - Taysom Hill - This guy is an incredible athlete. Big, fast, strong. Was originally at Stanford but transferred to BYU after Stanford wanted to move him to safety. He can run, is smart, is fast, big and strong. Can't throw worth a lick. Utah figured him out last fall, and every BCS team followed Utah's game plan. Utah put an extra S in the game, Honeycutt, and all he did was spy Hill. When Hill left the pocket, his only job was to make him run back to the middle of the field. You don't worry about Hill's passing, because frankly, it sucks. Greg Wrubell did go on the radio, and his quote was, "Hill definitely isn't worse than last year." Not a ringing endorsement. If you let Hill run, like Texas did, you will lose. If you can make him throw, especially stay in the pocket, set his feet and throw, you can win. I think this will be the #1 key for you guys to win.

HB - We have three guys that might get carries. All three are very average mid-major running backs. Here is the key about BYU: We are good with our ones. Our twos and threes SUCK. I'd bet your twos and threes are better than our twos and threes. It's just the name of the game, and the name of the game is mid-major football. Our starters are as good as yours. Our depth is absolete. Look at Utah and TCU the last two years. One or two injuries and they were done. Same with BYU.

WR's: Who knows what we have with our WR's. We brought in a couple JC kids and transfers. JC kids are so hit and miss. They all look good on paper, but most end up disappointing. Leslie, the transfer, should be solid. He was very good for UTEP, but playing Conference USA/WAC football is a big step down from playing AAC football. You guys might not be P5 in name, but you are still P5 in depth. Matthews is big and has good hands. Slow, if you jam him, muscle him, you can make him irrelevant.

OL: SUCKS. Sucked last year. BYU still doesn't know who 2-3 starters are. Yes, one guy competing for a starter spot is a true freshman who came into BYU weighing 250 lbs. They say he is 280 now, but after fall camp, I'd be he is closer to 250 than 280.

Basically, I'm worried about our offense in this game. Our best player is Hill and we still have him. BUT, Jamal Williams is a very, very good RB and he will be out. Throw in a suspect OL and an unproven WR group...Again, if you guys contain Hill and take away his running, BYU will struggle to score 17 points. If you don't believe me, see Virginia, Utah, Wisconsin, ND, Washington games from last year. If you let Hill run wild, you are screwed.

Defensively, BYU lost a lot. New DT's, not a lot of experience at the end positions, new LB'ers. The fact that Harvey Langi, who was a fifth string HB at Utah 6 weeks ago is now competing for the starting LB job worries me. He just came home from his mission 6 weeks ago. Nobody who has sat out of football for the last two years, and who was fifth string anything at a BCS school (one that has struggled as well) should step into a big time program and start. Langi's big problem at Utah is that he played too upright and didn't create leverage when hitting the holes and blocking. That is a big problem for a LBer. If he can't get leverage, he can't do anything.

One area of strength for BYU, surprisingly, is the secondary. Usually this is a weak point, but we do have some solid guys back there...BUT, they will be suspended for this game.

All of that being said, BYU should win. You guys sucked last year. BYU brings Hill back, and their defense is always tough. I HIGHLY doubt BYU wins by 17. Look at their record vs BCS teams last year: 2-5. They did beat Texas, which looks good on paper, but Texas was....who knows what was going through their mind. It really seemed like they felt they should beat BYU with their base defense and nothing else and that they refused to adjust to prove a point. At NO time during that game did they have a player cover Hill. Not once. It was mind blowing. Every ball fake, the DE and S crashed on Williams, leaving Hill WIDE open. I've never seen anything like it. I guess my point is, don't put too much stock in that win. It wasn't a fluke, BYU is good, but it was...weird. Their other BCS win was over Georgia Tech. That game was at home, and Kyle Van Noy was incredible. He destroyed their option.

If you are going to win, you have to shut down Hill, get a TO or two, and not give the ball up. You have to do what Virginia did to BYU the first game of the year last year. Hill threw the ball 40 times and ran 11 for 42 yards. I don't care how bad you are as a team, if you can make Hill throw 40 times and only average 4 yards a carry, you will win. Hill isn't a good enough passer to carry a team with his arm. BYU used to be QB University. Now we are athletic QB who can't throw university.

Take away his legs, get a TO, don't turn the ball over. If you do those three things, you win. If not, BYU will pull it out. You guys weren't great last year, but neither was Virginia and Utah. You are still a BCS team with BCS depth. You are still bigger and stronger than BYU top to bottom. Especially with all the suspensions. Play smart, hit hard, and don't let Hill run.

Good luck! Only two weeks!
 
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Uconnalliance

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Can't wait to hand these f$&ks cry towels after the game ,gonna be the biggest upset in our season, Uconn 24 BYU 13, take that with your Rocky Mountain oysters !!!!!!
 
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Don't pay him any attention, Huskies. He's just a University of Utah fan trying to get his digs in at BYU. You would think a fan of a big, bad P5 program would have better things to do than obsess over an irrelevant G5 team like BYU, but maybe that's a good illustration of the relative position of the two schools in the overall college football landscape, conference affiliation hanger-on status notwithstanding.

Thanks for the info on Cougar Lover, kc. I still want to beat BYU on 8/29 but this one's for you:
Q: What's the difference between a Utah fan and a carp? A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
 
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I suspect this is the work of a BYU fan upset at where his team is headed. The state schools in Utah have passed BYU by and Cougar fans aren't dealing with it very well. Utah State found a nice new home in the Mountain West with great storied teams like Boise State and Fresno State. Utah moved on into a new conference too. It's just another reason BYU fans are so bitter against the state schools.

No conference has invited BYU because of its reputation of being hard to deal with and BYU has been left on an island with no real future. BYU's only option has been to schedule a lot of road games or home games against teams nobody has ever really heard of before.

You can sort of understand why BYU fans are mad right now posting stuff like this.
 
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LOL - this would have been better disguised if he had not laid it on so thick when naming current players in the NFL.

My apologies to The Boneyard...
 
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