OT: A Little Perspective

[Stainmaster]

One of the first friends I ever made committed suicide on Monday. He had just turned 20 a couple of months ago. We drifted apart over the years and hadn't spoken since middle school, but I found myself strangely affected when I learned of his death today. It brought back an overwhelming flood of memories from ages 2 to 6, when he was a huge part of my life. When we later reunited in our fifth grade homeroom, I didn't think for a second that his life would be over in ten years. Nobody did -- he was an aspiring filmmaker/comedian who was renowned throughout all of the communities he was a part of for his quick wit and unmistakable deadpan. I scrolled through his Twitter feed today and, inappropriately enough, couldn't help but laugh at how hilarious his last jokes were.

So why am I spilling my guts here? Because I had a realization today. We bicker a lot here -- KO this, conference realignment that, Brimah this, assistant coaches that. I myself spend far, far too much time being much more confrontational and argumentative than I should be. Maybe due to my young age and relative immaturity to the rest of the board, this realization came to me much later than it did to the rest of you. But none of this matters in the long run: none of it. An online forum for discussing sports is a luxury that we all can live without. No matter what blowup happens in the chat following a loss or which ridiculous fights over personnel issues run on for dozens of pages, when we power down our computers we have a whole world outside of the Boneyard to give us meaning: our work (/education), our families, our friends, our talents. But you can't take your loved ones for granted the same way. Say the Boneyard were to go down for a night. Great, you spend an hour and forty-five minutes shouting at the TV and the next two hours either celebrating or complaining with your buddies, or your Uncle Joe, or whomever instead of posting here. There's no adequate alternative like that when it's a parent, child, or other person who's close to you that goes away.

I don't want pity or well-wishes -- those go to the family and those who really were close with him. I also understand that I've burned a few bridges here and thus I don't expect a sympathetic response from a good number of people. I guess all I'm asking is, whether it's your son or daughter, father or mother, romantic partner or friend...tell someone you love them tonight. That you're grateful for their presence in your life, and that you're there for them. You don't know what people bottle up inside themselves, or what power your words can wield.

Thanks for giving me a space to share this. I apologize if anyone finds it overly preachy or self-righteous.

 

[bobbygt]

Sorry to hear about that Stairmaster. Twenty is too young.

I think bickering on the internet is bad for us, even if it feels anonymous.

I do like the message though- be present with your loved ones.

 

[tzznandrew]

I'm sorry to hear that man.

There's something, in particular, about suicide that is particularly brutal. It's so hard to grieve the person we care about--directly or even tangentially--because it leaves nothing but doubts about what we could have done. And more importantly, to think that someone we cared so much about--or knew in some meaningful way--suffered so greatly in secret...

It's a great tragedy of our time.

 

[Dogbreath2U]

I appreciate you telling us and hope you are doing okay. A really sad thing.

 

[mauconnfan]

Crazy to "Like" this but it's for you Stair. Sorry both to you and your buddy's other family and friends. Way too sad to have 20 year olds leaving us for whatever reason, one being from the kids who keep too much inside and don't share the difficulties they deal with daily. Scary but mostly sad.

Take care of yourself and thank you for sharing. There are some wonderful people here who do help in times such as this, I found out most recently in a big way.

 

[GemParty]

Stay strong friend, prayers are with you & their family.

 

[gtcam]

So sorry Stair - I feel your pain
I lost my best friend and brother in law to suicide - he decided it was easier to cope with his issues with a rope and a tree.
He wasn't 20 but the loss is still felt to this day.
It's weird in some sense because people who do this think they are ridding the mess they think they are from those who love them BUT they are really creating a whole different set of issues and feelings.
I get past it daily by thinking of the god things - watching UConn, going to concerts and sharing time fishing.
Take care and thanks for being open about this

 

[mauconnfan]

So sorry Stair - I feel your pain
I lost my best friend and brother in law to suicide - he decided it was easier to cope with his issues with a rope and a tree.
He wasn't 20 but the loss is still felt to this day.
It's weird in some sense because people who do this think they are ridding the mess they think they are from those who love them BUT they are really creating a whole different set of issues and feelings.
I get past it daily by thinking of the god things - watching UConn, going to concerts and sharing time fishing.
Take care and thanks for being open about this

Sorry to hear of your losses also gt. Well stated

 

[Tenspro2002]

Very sorry to hear that. Thanks for sharing -- it's an important message.

Despite the quarrels that posters have here at times, I think we all appreciate what we have in this community. And, of course, we should likewise appreciate all of our communities outside of this place.

 

[Ts5034]

Im sorry for your loss. In realiy, coming here to talk about UConn sports is supposed to be fun. I dont like to call out other posters, or start arguments if I dont agree with what they are saying. The bottom line is, every single person on The Boneyard is here because they are hardcore fans that are on the edge of their seats every possession of every game. If they werent, then they wouldnt be on here in the first place posting hundreds or thousands of times about games, recruits, and of course our conference affiliation. This place is supposed to be fun and an escape from all the everyday BS that we go through.

 

[CTMike]

You've got a lot of self awareness for a young whippersnapper, Stair... Sorry for your loss.

 

[CTKIDD]

Suicide is something I've studied and usually signs are there like detachment, anxiety, depression, drugs/ETOH... Not saying it could of been prevented but there is help out there.
211/ info line is a very good referral guide to get treatment.

 

[Chief00]

Sorry to hear the news and agree with your new perspective!

 

[TasteofUConn]

I apologize if anyone finds it overly preachy or self-righteous.

Neither man. It's spot on. I think that a board like this (and a couple others I've posted on), becomes much more than a place to discuss the board topic. It's a cyber home away from home, really, complete with mom and dad screaming at each other and fights over the bathroom. Peace.

 

[DarthGrumpy]

This just a board, a place to escape from the trials and tribulations of life and hopefully have a laugh or two along the way.

May your friend finally find the peace he was looking for in his next adventure and condolences to those he left behind.

 

[8893]

It all matters.

Sports fandom, among many other things, is either a celebration of being alive, or a distraction from the grim reality of certain death if you look at it all cynically/nihilistically. Or both.

Letting people know they matter to you always matters and is never out of place.

Speaking of which, I know you catch heat here for some of your hot takes, but I like what you bring to the board and I'm glad you're not easily cowed when the elders try to box your ears.

Keep on keepin' on.

Peace.

 

[Jaker]

Condolences

 

[Bryan Lord]

Thanks for sharing.

 

[uchusky32]

Sorry to for your loss Stair. Always tough to come to grips with this type of death. Life is precious.

 

[Kitaman]

Stairmaster I'm sorry to hear about this loss. You have received a wake up call about how precious and fragile life can be. Another lesson is not taking people for granted and hopefully being able to see our friend's pain even if hidden. Some of us never get this in life or ignore it. To learn it in your 20s is tough yet humbling.

I suspect you will become a better Man taking this pain and using it for good. Just don't hesitate to love or get close to another person. Or at least recognize it and address it if you start to feel that way. I'm no counselor but I've been around for quite some time and have life experiences to share.

You are spot on about what's really important yet the Yard in itself is therapy as long as you don't take me and all the others too serious about what we post here, including the insults.

Condolences man, and don't hesitate to grieve, or post again about it for that matter.

 

[KemBuckets21]

My deepest condolences, Stair. Agree with your perspective and hope we can keep that in mind going forward.

 

[OkaForPrez]

Sorry for your loss Stair. This is one of my favorite quotes:

We're here to get each other through this thing, whatever it is.
Mark Vonnegut


Connecting with people is everything. Family, friends, Internet strangers. The fact that we're all lunatics is irrelevant. The fact that we are together in our lunacy is not.

 

[champs99and04]

@Stairmaster I didn't realize you were only 20ish. Based on the tenor of your posts I figured you were a college grad.

It's crazy how instantly connected you feel to people you had grown apart from when something like this happens. There's kids I haven't seen in seven years but if one of the died tomorrow I would flashback to the moment when I felt closest to them.

I obviously wish you the best in coping with this tragedy.

 

[joober jones]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I wish I had something better to say, but I know all too well the profound effect a suicide can have on all of the deceased's friends and family.

 

[FartMan69]

As someone who's battled and known many people who've gone through the horrors of depression I always find it important to make an effort to be kind or just shoot a smile at that random stranger or strangers you come across in your daily routine. It's not a cure all but it shows there is some good in people and life in general. Depression is a horrible disease that no one is immune to, it's a shame how many lives it takes and families it ruins.