OT: Just for grins

[SVCBeercats]

I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady
behind me honked at me very upset because I was taking too long to pay.
“Take the high road,” I thought to myself. So I paid for her food.
As I moved up she leaned out the window looking all crazy at me
because the cashier told her I paid for her food. She felt embarrassed.
When I got to the second window to get my food, I showed them both
receipts and took her food too. I paid for it, it was mine!
Now she has to wait even longer. She’s gonna learn today you just don't
mess with old people.

Now that I have hooked Johathon XIV, I can tell you the story above is simply a joke.

 

[JonathanXIV]

So close to being the bigger person...

 

[SVCBeercats]

So close to being the bigger person...

It is a joke but I knew you would think it was true.

 

[Steelerone]

I was in the library recently when I saw a chicken walk in. He went up to the counter and said, in a loud voice, "Buk". The librarian said, "Do you want a book"? The chicken again said "Buk" and the librarian handed him one. He put it under his wing and walked out. An hour later he came back in and said, "Buk, Buk". She handed him two books, he placed them under his wing and walked out. An hour later the chicken walked in and said "Buk, Buk, Buk". The librarian handed him three books, he placed him under his wing and walked out. Being very curious I decided to follow him. He walked down the road for about a half mile till he came to a small lake. As he set the books down on a log a frog suddenly jumped out, looked at the books and said, "Readit, Readit, Readit".

 

[meyers7]

It is a joke but I knew you would think it was true.

One could tell it wasn't true, because no way would McD's have her food ready that quick.

 

[dogged1]

I was in the library recently when I saw a chicken walk in. He went up to the counter and said, in a loud voice, "Buk". The librarian said, "Do you want a book"? The chicken again said "Buk" and the librarian handed him one. He put it under his wing and walked out. An hour later he came back in and said, "Buk, Buk". She handed him two books, he placed them under his wing and walked out. An hour later the chicken walked in and said "Buk, Buk, Buk". The librarian handed him three books, he placed him under his wing and walked out. Being very curious I decided to follow him. He walked down the road for about a half mile till he came to a small lake. As he set the books down on a log a frog suddenly jumped out, looked at the books and said, "Readit, Readit, Readit".

Aw Geez, that was terrible, but.....
My dog is educated, he can speak, English as a matter of fact.
Go ahead ask him what's on top of a house.
Dog: "ruuf, ruuf"
Now ask him what grows on trees.
Dog: "bark, bark"

Unfortunately, that joke is about as old as I am.

 

[Ozimoto]

This should be interesting. I have a Canadian friend who specializes in groaners. I may have to share...

 

[Purduke]

Aw Geez, that was terrible, but.....
My dog is educated, he can speak, English as a matter of fact.
Go ahead ask him what's on top of a house.
Dog: "ruuf, ruuf"
Now ask him what grows on trees.
Dog: "bark, bark"

Unfortunately, that joke is about as old as I am.

But haven't you ever wondered how he knows when to "ruuf" and when to "bark?"

 

[Bigboote]

Aw Geez, that was terrible, but.....
My dog is educated, he can speak, English as a matter of fact.
Go ahead ask him what's on top of a house.
Dog: "ruuf, ruuf"
Now ask him what grows on trees.
Dog: "bark, bark"

Unfortunately, that joke is about as old as I am.

And it's only half the joke, at least as I learned it.

A guy comes to town claiming to have a talking dog. He books them into the local auditorium. He starts the show.

Man: What's on the top of a house?
Dog: Roof Roof!

Man: What's on the trunk of a tree?
Dog: Bark, bark!
There's a little grumbling in the audience.

Man: Who's the greatest baseball player?
Dog: Ruth, Ruth!
Crowd goes nuts and starts throwing stuff at them.

As they're exiting the stage, the dog says to the man, "See, I told you I should say Ted Williams!"

 

[Steelerone]

Omigosh, that sounds like a jelly, doughnut. LC, when I was on days I always listened to Bob when I got the chance. Yep, corny, but wonderful. Plus, the word of the day" helped me speak good.

 

[Steelerone]

Aw Geez, that was terrible, but.....
My dog is educated, he can speak, English as a matter of fact.
Go ahead ask him what's on top of a house.
Dog: "ruuf, ruuf"
Now ask him what grows on trees.
Dog: "bark, bark"

Unfortunately, that joke is about as old as I am.

K, Dogged. Back atya. Bob and his friend were walking down the street when someone approaching said "Hi Bob." A minute later someone else yelled, "Hi Bob". His friend said, "Wow. You know a lot of people." Bob replied, "I know eveyone." "Well", his friend said, "You may know a lot of people but you can't know everyone." "Yes, I do". Bob said. "Do you know Brad Pitt?" "Yes, I do", he said. A week later Bob called his friend and said, "Brad Pitt's in town. He called me and invited me to lunch. Do you want to go?" Sure enough, they went to lunch and there was Brad Pitt. "Now do you believe me?" Bob asked. The friend replied, "Look, you may know a lot of people, even Brad Pitt, but you still can't know everyone. Do you know the President?" Two weeks later Bob called his friend and told him that he had been invited to Camp David to play golf with the President and that he was invited. Again, they went to Camp David and played golf with the President. "Ok, now do you believe me?". Bob asked. The friend once again replied, "OK, you know Brad Pitt, you know the President, but no human being can possibly know everyone. I mean, do you know the Pope?"
A few days later Bob called his friend and said, "The Pope has invited me to the Vartican and you can accompany me." That next week they flew to Rome and to Vatican City. Bob told his friend to wait with the crowd and he would be back in awhile. Ten minutes later the Pope stepped out on the veranda and by his side was Bob. Later Bob searched for his friend in the crowd and found him passed out a a medical aide station. When his friend woke up Bob asked him what happened. His friend looked at him in amazement and said, " I was standing in the middle of a crowd of thousands when you walked out on the veranda with the Pope. Suddenly Ieveryone around me began to ask, "Who's that with Bob?"

 

[Steelerone]

LC, did you ever see a movie that was so bad that you actually enjoyed it (Plan 9 From Outer Space). That was the case in some of Bob's jokes. And don't think he didn't know it.

 

[Ex Nutmegger]

I remember Bob giving the baseball scores. He would say “and the scores are 3 to 1, 5 to 2, 6 to 4, 8 to 7, and 2 to zero.” Then maybe, just maybe later , he would say what teams went with what numbers. Corny yes, but you had to shake your head and grin, even when you were nine years old.

 

[CL82]

So close to being the bigger person...

Well after he ate two McDonald drive through meals, he probably was "the bigger person."