Coach Summitt

[vtcwbuff]

I read this in a Blog linked in the Tyler Summitt thread - if accurate it is really sad

“I'm not sure that she knows who I am unless I tell her,” said Mickey Dearstone, the longtime voice of the Lady Vols." This was in March of this year.

In one sense, given what's going on, maybe that isn't such a bad thing.

 

[RockyMTblue2]

Shame on Mickey Dearstone. Pat is entitled to her privacy and dignity. I don't care the context. That comment was gratuitous and, yes, unkind.

 

[BroadwayVa]

Shame on Mickey Dearstone. Pat is entitled to her privacy and dignity. I don't care the context. That comment was gratuitous and, yes, unkind.

Normally I would agree with every word you just wrote--but Pat herself made her condition Dementia/Alzheimer's
widely known because she wanted the world to take notice and find a cure.
As one who has seen in-laws with the condition (it's not a disease you can't catch it from your neighbor) it's time people learned of the horrible truth of living with a loved one who has Dementia/Alzheimer. I have given my family notice that I am to be "warehoused" if I am so effected--it's not a crime to put your family member into a "home". The crime is the horrors the family lives through until they come to the conclusion that this is the ONLY choice. Luckily, the VA will care for me because the monthly cost I've seen are as high as 12,000 per month--any savings goes quickly at that rate. You guys in your late 50's/60's check all choices and how to protect your saving NOW --you can't do it once Dementia starts..

 

[UcMiami]

Normally I would agree with every word you just wrote--but Pat herself made her condition Dementia/Alzheimer's
widely known because she wanted the world to take notice and find a cure.
As one who has seen in-laws with the condition (it's not a disease you can't catch it from your neighbor) it's time people learned of the horrible truth of living with a loved one who has Dementia/Alzheimer. I have given my family notice that I am to be "warehoused" if I am so effected--it's not a crime to put your family member into a "home". The crime is the horrors the family lives through until they come to the conclusion that this is the ONLY choice. Luckily, the VA will care for me because the monthly cost I've seen are as high as 12,000 per month--any savings goes quickly at that rate. You guys in your late 50's/60's check all choices and how to protect your saving NOW --you can't do it once Dementia starts..

Just a thought - years ago when one of my aunts for both physical and mental reasons needed to be placed in a home, my parents found one in a small town in NH near our summer house, as opposed to the first one in NYC and the second one in Willimantic CT. It was a great find, staffed by long term employees resident in the community and not 'temporaries' or 'transients', the windows opened onto the pine forests, and it was so much better than any other place I have ever visited. And the cost was significantly less than that in CT and maybe 10% of what NYC prices were.
So ... if you have access to small community facilities, they may not have all the bells and whistles, but my experience is they provide much better care.

 

[BroadwayVa]

Just a thought - years ago when one of my aunts for both physical and mental reasons needed to be placed in a home, my parents found one in a small town in NH near our summer house, as opposed to the first one in NYC and the second one in Willimantic CT. It was a great find, staffed by long term employees resident in the community and not 'temporaries' or 'transients', the windows opened onto the pine forests, and it was so much better than any other place I have ever visited. And the cost was significantly less than that in CT and maybe 10% of what NYC prices were.
So ... if you have access to small community facilities, they may not have all the bells and whistles, but my experience is they provide much better care.

You caught me~~~!!!! The 12,000 per month was out near Ridge, LI, NY. I currently have two in-laws in "nursing homes" in Watertown, Ct. Price is a bit lower---until all "available funds " run out. Point is you can make arrangements to separate funds, talk to a lawyer/ financial advisor to prepare for this long term care without making your family paupers.
But be prepared!!!

 

[Fairfield Fan]

Shame on Mickey Dearstone. Pat is entitled to her privacy and dignity. I don't care the context. That comment was gratuitous and, yes, unkind.

I can't agree with this. The ravages of Alzheimer's are going to come on, and there's nothing to stop them. I was surprised to hear that she has declined this far this fast. But there is no shame to this. It's a disease. It's sad. It's tragic. But I don't see why her condition needs to be kept secret. I think that the family and friends of Alxheimer's patients often want to share, not keep it under wraps.

 

[Mattala]

Normally I would agree with every word you just wrote--but Pat herself made her condition Dementia/Alzheimer's
widely known because she wanted the world to take notice and find a cure.
As one who has seen in-laws with the condition (it's not a disease you can't catch it from your neighbor) it's time people learned of the horrible truth of living with a loved one who has Dementia/Alzheimer. I have given my family notice that I am to be "warehoused" if I am so effected--it's not a crime to put your family member into a "home". The crime is the horrors the family lives through until they come to the conclusion that this is the ONLY choice. Luckily, the VA will care for me because the monthly cost I've seen are as high as 12,000 per month--any savings goes quickly at that rate. You guys in your late 50's/60's check all choices and how to protect your saving NOW --you can't do it once Dementia starts..

How very true.

 

[HuskyStars]

With early onset, the decline comes faster. My mom did not have any noticeable dementia until her late 80's (although in retrospect, there were symptoms we missed). It progressed very slowly. When she passed, this year at 98, almost 99, still still knew me and although she got the daughters/granddaughters all mixed up, she still knew they were family. Yes, I had to have her in a nursing home for various reasons, and yes, it was about $11,500 here in northern CT (a good, family owned one), but she was able to qualify for Medicaid when all available funds ran out. I wish she could have stayed in the special wing of the Assisted Living affiliated with it, but it was private pay only.

As for Pat, much as we loved to hate her, as soon as I heard the diagnosis, my feelings changed entirely. In fact the early symptoms may have been responsible for some of her behavior those last years before diagnosis. I wish her only the best and I am glad for her going public - we need to be educated and we need to find a cure or prevention.

 

[RockyMTblue2]

I have read all the comments about Pat made it public and we have to get the word out about the scourge of Alzheimers and they are all true. Then I slept on them. Thing is, these miss what I was addressing. We do not need the intimate details of Pat's decline spread as gratuitous chatter by so called friends. Now if family wants to shove it out there, like Glen Campbell's wife the other day about how he can no longer play guitar, well I guess they have there reasons. I don't want to hear the Pat Summit was found four blocks from home trying to use her key on a neighbor's front door (hypothetical example); it is not going to deepen my knowledge of or appreciation for the ravages of Alzheimers.

 

[diggerfoot]

Many comments in this thread hit home to me, both with points of agreement and disagreement. When my wife Cindy and I walked across the country in 2011-2012 we had both a public and private mission, the private one being Cindy's brain health. After she was officially diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's in 2013 we decided that we should go public, via my blog, in order to demystify both the disease and the caregiving involved. In particular our orientation towards both brain health and caregiving centered around the quality of life links to each. Some of what I share exposes the workings of the Alzheimer's mind with the intent that such knowledge will benefit others; I've been given numerous feedback that it does.

Previously, for five years at the start of our marriage, we took care of my Mom who had Alzheimer's, up until the last few months of her life. The only "horror" throughout that whole experience came after Mom went into a home. We had intended for her to live out her life with us but events unfolded that prevented that. We had no regrets or horrors for the time she spent with us, only that our original goal could not be met.

Now I have to see how long I can keep Cindy here; if we can meet our objective of her passing away peacefully at home, having lived a high quality of life right up until the end (she is happy and laughs often, a point of demystification that needs to happen about how Alzheimer's patients can live their lives). After our experience with my Mom I'm not making any guarantees, but I know of others who placed a loved one in a home and then took them back for the last couple weeks of life to pass away amidst their loved ones at home. That would be a viable option for us if it comes to that.

I can understand the sentiment of making sure you do not burden your loved ones. That's only natural. Our early, nomadic lifestyle featured the elders of a society going off to die alone when they felt they were now too much of a burden. I plan to do something similar to that when I go to "hike off into the sunset." Yet caregiving for a loved one is not necessarily the burden one presumes. Yes, we spent our retirement funds early ... for essentially what amounted to Cindy's high quality retirement. Yes, we live on the edge financially, since I don't earn income in order to be a full time caregiver, a decision that allows the two of us to live a high quality of life at the sacrifice of some ease, comfort or pleasure (none of which are pertinent to mental, physical or emotional health). I'm not worried. This episode will pass and I will then go "hike off into the sunset." The real horror would have been if I did not make the sacrifice necessary to devote myself to caregiving in order to make the most of this situation.

Humanity Hiker Blog

 

[UcMiami]

digger - powerful stuff!
You have made the choices that were perfect for you with grace and dignity.

I would just say that each situation is unique unto itself, it is never easy, and no one should ever feel pressure to conform to what others think in so personal a situation.

 

[KnightBridgeAZ]

We moved Mom to a memory care facility a couple of months ago. It is not a horror at all, six ladies cared for by 1 or 2 caregivers depending on the time of day. A chef cooked main meal at lunch plus breakfast and dinner. Out for a meal or other excursion once every couple of weeks, 2 days a week of personal pampering (hair / nails) etc. Actually much better than we were able to do for her (even with "help"). She had become quite difficult to get out at all, for example. And the cost is very reasonable and she seems very happy when we visit, even if she doesn't know us.

Our only issue so far is the medical side of it, just getting the changes in her meds worked out with the visiting physician service for the facility.

Mom was 93+ when she started any noticeable issues, specifically not differentiating what was "really" there vs. something that couldn't be. For example, the noise of an outside wall decoration in the wind became construction on a non-existent basement.

Then she began seeing people that were not there - a woman and baby, for example. Still able to have a conversation, function fairly normally and watch Yankees games at 94, although she thought they had changed some of the rules and that turning off the games on TV somehow affected the event.

At 95 she was no longer able to get dressed or use the bathroom without varying amounts of guidance. Things like putting socks on the "right" foot, or pants front to back. Last summer, the Yankee games were just entertaining noise. By the beginning of this year she began not knowing who we were, and talking to furniture and teddy bears and "invisible" people like they were real.

 

[diggerfoot]

digger - powerful stuff!
You have made the choices that were perfect for you with grace and dignity.

I would just say that each situation is unique unto itself, it is never easy, and no one should ever feel pressure to conform to what others think in so personal a situation.

You know that I respect your observation and insights, please take as a compliment the fact that I always seem to respond to your posts. Everything you say is true. Indeed, I am a strong advocate of bucking civilized conformity, that is where the great irony lies.

Everyday I get 20+ articles coming up on my Google Alerts in regards to brain health and Alzheimer’s. I read but a few in their entirety, mainly those corresponding to quality of life links to brain health, but make a mental tabulation of all the topics that come up. The web works much like broadcast media, an echo chamber exists where a common theme or research will be picked up by various outlets, thus lending the authority of quantity to the conclusions drawn.

The echo chamber has focused on the costs of caregiving the past two weeks. In reality, the costs have been echoed much more than that. The “horrors” from the “burden” of caregiving is conveyed exponentially more than the “grace and dignity” of “sacrifice.” False perception often leads to harmful reality, that is after all why you caution against conformity and I quite agree. However, in our society this reality born out of perception and conformity reinforces the horrors from burden notion rather than the rewards from sacrifice … for many additional lifestyle choices besides caregiving I might add. My voice is the more nonconformist one, with the aim to nurture an alternative perception and thereby an alternative reality.

There is good reason to do so. Talk about harmful conformity! Classic economics calls for us to conform to the theory that self-interest is rational and social systems work best on self-interest. Enlightenment philosophy calls for us to conform to the assumption that humans are naturally bad or, at best, primitive and the enlightened reason born out of civilization needs to save us from ourselves. Meanwhile, mass media plays to the most negative of our emotions to conform us to these economic and enlightenment ideals. Even if this is all true, conforming to the perceptions of self-interest and being naturally bad certainly causes more harm than good.

Yet it is not true. Research from all over the country: Berkeley, UMich, Duke (yuk), etc. reveal that humans are naturally altruistic (actually ecologists have identified this trait in us long ago). Altruism increases longevity; altruism slows cognitive decline; altruism creates contentment. Ninety-eight percent of the people reading this, if they dig down to their souls, are capable of identifying with this conclusion. The other two percent correspond to people without empathy. Our problem is we behave much differently in the context of mass society (one of the defining characteristics of civilization) than we do in the context of family or small communities.

Thus my “rewards from sacrifice” voice is not only the nonconformist one, it is the most healthy choice to make, if individuals can buck societal perceptions and conformity to classic economics, enlightenment philosophy and mass media. So while I agree wholeheartedly with your caution that everyone’s life situation is different and calls for different approaches, that one should be true to themselves rather than conform, is it not ironic that you make this caution in response to the opinion that is less perceived by the public yet has more natural benefits?

 

[intlzncster]

Shame on Mickey Dearstone. Pat is entitled to her privacy and dignity. I don't care the context. That comment was gratuitous and, yes, unkind.

Depends on the context. Never like a pulled quote in a vacuum.

Also, talking about this, with regards to such a public figure, helps to shine a spotlight on a very serious problem. One which not a lot of people know much about.

 

[Icebear]

Digger, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I read every word of your posts a couple of times to let them sink in. I ran a Alzheimer's support group at our congregation for the community for several years and havehad family and friends touched by this terrible disease.

Presently, I am applying for a position as a hospice chaplain which no doubt will bring me into the lives of more people struggling with the realities or surrealities of dementia.

 

[Lurker]

Digger and I have shared experiences, and his analysis and wisdom have been both valuable and comforting. So many of us, and so many of our parents and loved ones are involved. Shared experiences and insights are helpful, and all too common. In my case, mom has been with my wife and I for 2 years. She has been engaged and joyful, but yes repeating and forgetful on occasion. Our older dog is a comfort to her, and the two of them enjoy time in the yard - one picking up sticks, the other taking them from her hand and turning them into smaller sticks. I've had times of more independence, and time with less - change happens. I know that ending up in a home has always been something she would have hated, so I will do what I can to help her avoid that. It is something that we just do as long as we can. When and if the situation becomes unmanageable, and each situation will have its own threshold, then we will change to the next step. I managed to attend all the home games and all of the playoffs except for Indy. My mom looked after her mom and sister, and certainly me for many years early in my life. She was always there for me, and I will try to do the same for her. Life unfolds as it does. A good estate lawyer is helpful, and there are ways to manage the feared financial black hole. Very little is perfect in life, except our team this year and so many other years in the past.

 

[Kaizen]

It is so sad to read everyone's different story.
My hearts and prayers are with everyone here. Take a good care of you and the people you love now.